After 9 miscarriages, almost 13 yrs of research & discovery, along with ample prayer, I would assume to have all the answers. I in fact know less now then I did when this all started.
After marrying my husband we quickly decided to start enlarge our family. Coming into the marriage I brought along with me Tanner, my son who was 7 yrs old. I had a healthy pregnancy other then some anemia near the end, and had a natural childbirth with no form of medication or intervention.
However as we started to do family planning we realized quickly that it may not be so easy for us to have another baby. Our first pregnancy ended shortly at 6 weeks, we were in shock that we were miscarrying. It was something that never crossed my mind that could happen. It ironically also brought us hope for another pregnancy. As our 3, 4, and 5th babies came and left so swiftly we started to feel uncertainty and fear for our families future.
Baby 6 left us just a few days before the 3 of us boarded an airplane headed for Guatemala. We served at an orphanage and done ministry to some remote villages in their beautiful land. Here we heard clearly in our hearts that we would be adopting a daughter soon. 6 months later we brought home our daughter, Ilana from the hospital at just 3 days old. We were so blessed.
Strangely enough, although we tried, we did not conceive for several more years. We pressed into some infertility treatments that seemed to be a great help to us. At this time we knew that I had been diagnosed with a leutal phase defect requiring me to take lots of progesterone after ovulation. I also was insulin resistant and had a few clotting disorders. I took all the necessary measures to make sure these things were addressed but still to no avail.
Our 7th baby was doing well, we felt so great about the pregnancy. I felt good and was in good spirits. When we went for our 8 wk ultrasound we quickly saw a rapidly beating heart and activity. We were so disheartened to hear that our little baby was growing in my left tube instead of my uterus. Blood was starting to pool into my belly cavity and we were rushed for emergency surgery. There is nothing like having to give written consent to a medical team for them to remove your sweet baby from your body. We lost our son and my left tube. It was a great time of mourning for my family.
Baby #8 was a girl and was due to be born on 11/11/11. Her special birthday reassured us that she was meant for this time in our lives. We pulled out everything we had studied and knew at this point to make sure I was taking and doing exactly what I was supposed to be. To no avail at 8 wks her heart stopped beating. Before her loss I received a phone call from a lady we had known for many years asking us to adopt her baby who was also due around the same time. The idea of "twins" was so exciting for us and we said yes. After the passing of our daughter we were so eager for our new son to come home. Liam was unexpectedly born on 11/11/11! This was such a sweet kiss on the forehead from the Lord. We were so blessed to have him!
At 3 weeks old Liam became very sick. As we were in the hospital we found out that we were once again pregnant. This time it was so unexpected and we were in shock. #9 went home to be with the Lord at again only 8 wks. With Liam in my arms it was hard to focus on our loss. Liam needed so much care that it helped my heart heal faster. Our son was diagnosed with many things including a hole in his heart & lung, Di George's Syndrome, a deformed spine, Esophageal Esophagitis, and Tracheogomalasia. It was a hard hit, but proved to be a rewarding one. One by one the diagnosis' started to heal or be healed. He had a stomach tube put in because of aspiration and acid reflux and we started to learn how to manage quickly. His sickness gave us such great growth in our faith and thankfulness.
When we came home from the hospital I started to think alot about everything I had encountered when trying to get pregnant. All the changes we had made from simple things like the water we drank, our diet, activity, our spiritual walk, and tons of research into supplements and natural remedies. As I watched Liam struggle to breathe and thrive I started to think about how helpless we all really were with taking care of him. What could I do to help him?
I was invited to a home presentation one night, after being in the house for months taking care of the new baby, my husband encouraged me to go and get out of the house. The mini-teaching was about the chemicals in our home and how they are so detrimental to our health. I learned about the toxicity of modern things that were in my cabinets and on my counter. Things that I used to make my clothes "cleaner" or smell good were actually harmful agents being infused into our skin as we wore our clothes around all day. I left there feeling educated and curious about this rabbit trail of information.
Our country alone has introduced 80,000 new chemicals into our living spaces in just the last 20 years! This was unacceptable for me...I was in disbelieve at how ignorant I had been on this issue.
As the Co-founder of the national group, Faith N Fertility (www.faithnfertility.org) I teach and speak about things we can do to prevent being one of the 7 million families in the US that struggle with infertility and pregnancy loss. The one category that I never touched was chemical exposure or environmental effects. This was something that I just didn't think pertained to me so I didn't have a passion for it. Now that I have personally tried most everything that I have ever read about, and had performed on me nearly every test available for recurrent pregnancy loss, I feel that environmental factors is an avenue that I need to look into stronger. I have a firm position on ridding things in our homes that cause ailments such as Autism, Cancer, ADHD, and allergies and I soon learned that these same things can increase chances of infertility, pregnancy loss, and infant disorders. The most surprising research I found was on simple things such as Windex and even green cleaners that you can purchase from local department stores. The idea that a label says "organic" or "all natural" but really isn't was alarming to me.
In the past months I have rid our home of every cleaner. I now use Norwex products and work proudly as a representative for the company, teaching people everywhere I go about how to clean better and safer. Years ago I learned about the medicinal properties of micro silver, as I write this I have a gallon jug sitting on my counter. When my children are sick I administer silver as a first resort. Silver kills 650 different forms of virus, bacteria, fungi, and molds. Its a valuable product to treat any kind of sickness. Liam gets silver in his feeding tube regularly, it can be used in a nebulizer for breathing treatments, and even put into the eye by a dropper for pinkeye. The US is starting to understand the treasure that micro silver really is. It is now being used in hospitals, daycares, and even being infused into material for lab coats and hospital gowns.
Norwex took this understanding silver and also has infused it into microfiber cloths. The microfiber has incredibly small fibers (100-200 times smaller then a human hair) and can bring even the smallest of matter up into the cloth, including bacteria. Once in the cloth the matter is affected by the micro silver. This tested product has given me the ability to throw out everything I cleaned with previously and while now I use just water, I clean better, faster, cheaper, and healthier. I use this same idea and have thrown away all baby powder, baby shampoo, soaps, lotions, and ointments for diaper rash,etc. by using Norwex's body cloths, which also have the micro silver infused in them. With a step further they offer a mop system and toothbrush along with many other products that I have found very useful.
I have not yet discovered the final discoveries as to why my babies did not survive. I am convinced however that their deaths are not in vain and that if I can continue to use our pain to help others make choices that benefit their health and journey towards a larger family, then it gives our losses much worth.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Fundraising RIGHT!
Our recent events have not only given us a sweet and precious little boy through adoption but have challenged us on how to be better parents and helped us focus on family in a way that we never have before. Liam was born on 11/11/11 and proved to be the answer to prayer from the moment we met him. At 3 weeks old we discovered many things that were diagnosed not "normal" and so we have been fighting against his diagnosis and prognosis ever since. We have changed many things to create an environment for him that is the safest, cleanest, and healthiest for him and our "Ilana Myah Shortcake" :)
I stumbled across Norwex in January of this year and it has changed our lives dramatically. I know it sounds like a sales pitch but it truly has and I only tell you about it for your benefit. The products that they offer make it possible for you to stop cleaning with chemicals in your home. Actually their mission statement is to "To improve the quality of life by drastically reducing the use of chemicals in personal care and cleaning!"
I have found what they offer to be very true! Chemicals found in the average home are linked to many serious diseases such as allergies, birth defects, cancer and psychological abnormalities. Many today believe that the extensive use of chemicals indoors contributes to the "modern" diseases such as asthma and autism. Do you know our homes are 70% more toxic on the inside then out? I just couldn't wrap my brain around this as I have a newborn infant laying in the middle of our home.
I decided that I was going to change my mindset. I no longer use Bleach, Lysol, Windex, Pine Sol, Toilet cleaner, Bathroom cleaner, Pledge, soap, and body wash. This means I no longer have to buy these things either. I have tested Norwex for the last 4 weeks in my home to see if I truly am cleaning well. My home is more free from bacteria, fungi, virus, molds, etc just by using water and no harsh chemicals...we are still in shocked mode! I really want to share this with everyone, it makes total sense...its so life changing. It saves us money, creates a healthy living space, its just a no brainer. I cant see why anyone would say no especially after seeing it and watching the tests.
Ive decided to sell Norwex for our primary income. When Liam came home from the hospital with all his tubes and negative health reports we decided that I was going to stop all other activities I was involved in to focus on our family. Little did we know that my husbands job was ceasing slowly as well. When we met up with Norwex it just made sense to be involved in something that was changing lives and benefiting everyone who used it. I figured if we were going to start a business then it should be something that helps people instead of hindering them.
So many times our family has had to raise money for things that we wanted to do. We raised money to travel to Mexico with a bus load of clothes & toys for the kids at Casa De Elizabeth. We raised money to send Tanner on the 16 Days Ministry Journey with Kingdom Building Ministries. We all raised money and served in Guatemala for a life changing experience. We also been a part of raising funding for other organizations and other missionaries that were vibrant and daring to serve outside of their familiar zone. We have also done fundraisers, sent out letters of support, sold our personal items, and auctioned off belongings or donated items. There are so many avenues to raising the funding that you need.
Ive decided to offer fundraising opportunities through Norwex for events, schools, businesses, ministries, and the average family trying to fund the goals they have. My fundraising plan is generous and beneficial, it will be life changing to everyone who is involved, and quite interesting. I hope to help you raise the money you need to do the things that have been laid on your heart. Making a difference in life will make the difference in other peoples lives as well!
SAMPLE PACKAGE 1: Cleaning Pack – includes:
You make 25% - that's $11.75 per package sold!
1 Green Antibac Enviro Cloth
1 Red Antibac Enviro Cloth
1 Yellow Antibac Enviro Cloth
This package sells for $63.96/package (plus tax).
You make 25% - that's $15.99 per package sold!
How it works....
Highest Seller - receives the Enviro Cloth & Window Cloth Set
I stumbled across Norwex in January of this year and it has changed our lives dramatically. I know it sounds like a sales pitch but it truly has and I only tell you about it for your benefit. The products that they offer make it possible for you to stop cleaning with chemicals in your home. Actually their mission statement is to "To improve the quality of life by drastically reducing the use of chemicals in personal care and cleaning!"
I have found what they offer to be very true! Chemicals found in the average home are linked to many serious diseases such as allergies, birth defects, cancer and psychological abnormalities. Many today believe that the extensive use of chemicals indoors contributes to the "modern" diseases such as asthma and autism. Do you know our homes are 70% more toxic on the inside then out? I just couldn't wrap my brain around this as I have a newborn infant laying in the middle of our home.
I decided that I was going to change my mindset. I no longer use Bleach, Lysol, Windex, Pine Sol, Toilet cleaner, Bathroom cleaner, Pledge, soap, and body wash. This means I no longer have to buy these things either. I have tested Norwex for the last 4 weeks in my home to see if I truly am cleaning well. My home is more free from bacteria, fungi, virus, molds, etc just by using water and no harsh chemicals...we are still in shocked mode! I really want to share this with everyone, it makes total sense...its so life changing. It saves us money, creates a healthy living space, its just a no brainer. I cant see why anyone would say no especially after seeing it and watching the tests.
Ive decided to sell Norwex for our primary income. When Liam came home from the hospital with all his tubes and negative health reports we decided that I was going to stop all other activities I was involved in to focus on our family. Little did we know that my husbands job was ceasing slowly as well. When we met up with Norwex it just made sense to be involved in something that was changing lives and benefiting everyone who used it. I figured if we were going to start a business then it should be something that helps people instead of hindering them.
So many times our family has had to raise money for things that we wanted to do. We raised money to travel to Mexico with a bus load of clothes & toys for the kids at Casa De Elizabeth. We raised money to send Tanner on the 16 Days Ministry Journey with Kingdom Building Ministries. We all raised money and served in Guatemala for a life changing experience. We also been a part of raising funding for other organizations and other missionaries that were vibrant and daring to serve outside of their familiar zone. We have also done fundraisers, sent out letters of support, sold our personal items, and auctioned off belongings or donated items. There are so many avenues to raising the funding that you need.
Ive decided to offer fundraising opportunities through Norwex for events, schools, businesses, ministries, and the average family trying to fund the goals they have. My fundraising plan is generous and beneficial, it will be life changing to everyone who is involved, and quite interesting. I hope to help you raise the money you need to do the things that have been laid on your heart. Making a difference in life will make the difference in other peoples lives as well!
RAISE MONEY WITH A NORWEX FUNDRAISER
Want to arrange a Fundraiser for your school, family, or organization?
Please contact me today!
I like to make fundraising simple and very profitable for everyone involved. Below are examples of two Norwex Fundraising Packages that sell well and are very profitable. You can choose from any items in the catalog to customize your very own packages as well or use the entire catalog.SAMPLE PACKAGE 1: Cleaning Pack – includes:
1 Antibac Dusting Mitt
1 Antibac Enviro Cloth
1 Antibac Window Cloth
This package sells for $46.99/package (plus tax).
You make 25% - that's $11.75 per package sold!
With 50 Cleaning Packs sold, you earn - $ 587.50
With 100 Cleaning Packs sold, you earn -$1,775.00
With 500 Cleaning Packs sold you earn - $5,875.00
SAMPLE PACKAGE 2: Rainbow Pack – includes:
1 Blue Antibac Enviro Cloth1 Green Antibac Enviro Cloth
1 Red Antibac Enviro Cloth
1 Yellow Antibac Enviro Cloth
This package sells for $63.96/package (plus tax).
You make 25% - that's $15.99 per package sold!
With 50 Rainbow Packs sold, you earn - $799.50
With 100 Rainbow Packs sold, you earn -$1,599.00
With 500 Rainbow Packs sold you earn - $7,995.00
With 100 Rainbow Packs sold, you earn -$1,599.00
With 500 Rainbow Packs sold you earn - $7,995.00
How it works....
Once you have decided on the packages you want to offer, I will create a Norwex fundraising flier for you to distribute. Most fundraisers run for one to two weeks, but we can set whatever deadline you wish. At the end of your fundraiser I will collect all orders from you and process them. I will provide you with a written statement accounting for all orders, and a check for 25% of all sales. When the orders arrive (about a week after submission) I will either mail them to the head of the fundraiser or hand deliver them. An additional 5% donation will be credited to your fundraising account from any home or catalog parties that are over $325 in sales and held within 90 days after the fundraiser.
HIGHEST SALES CONTEST....To encourage everyone to sell as much as possible, prizes will be awarded at the end of the fundraiser.
Highest Seller - receives the Enviro Cloth & Window Cloth Set
2nd Highest Seller - receives the Dusting Mitt
3rd highest seller - receives the Kitchen cloth
Please pass this on to anyone that may be interested in raising money for their special cause!
3rd highest seller - receives the Kitchen cloth
Please pass this on to anyone that may be interested in raising money for their special cause!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
"Why is my baby brother so sick?"
"Why is my baby brother so sick?" This was the question Ilana asked me first thing this morning. The response I gave was not my own, I only assume that because I have been chewing on it all day long.
I pulled an "all nighter" with Liam last night. Now a days "all nighters" look a lot different then they did when I was younger. I cant count the many times I tended to him..every time my head would lay down I was right back up again. I'm not saying this to complain but to only give an expression of how restless little Liam sleeps as well. Amongst the breathing treatment and med administration all through the hours, he has fits of choking, gagging, and vomiting. His stomach tube makes it hard to get comfortable or to just have the freedom of picking him up and walking around the house with him without the accompanying of a backpack. He cries with his wide eyes demanding help, asking with every expression he has for some relief.
Ive never seen such a sweet baby boy, with his coal black hair and big brown eyes. He reminds me so much of our oldest, Tanner. He fits into our family so perfect, he contains characteristics of everyone here. He is the promise we have heard from God for so long. We love him, we love him so crazy much that his "problems" are just that...problems. They are not who he is or a definition of what he will be. They are just mearly obstacles that desire a response from us. They are a situational test of faith.
Everyday we tell Liam that he is healthy and smart, loved and wanted. Everyday we watch him grow and continue to do new things. Our hope is that his "problems" will be treated in a way that will give testimony to Gods love and the love He wants us to have in our families.
"Why is my baby brother so sick," She said...
Because that way Jesus can heal him.
I pulled an "all nighter" with Liam last night. Now a days "all nighters" look a lot different then they did when I was younger. I cant count the many times I tended to him..every time my head would lay down I was right back up again. I'm not saying this to complain but to only give an expression of how restless little Liam sleeps as well. Amongst the breathing treatment and med administration all through the hours, he has fits of choking, gagging, and vomiting. His stomach tube makes it hard to get comfortable or to just have the freedom of picking him up and walking around the house with him without the accompanying of a backpack. He cries with his wide eyes demanding help, asking with every expression he has for some relief.
Ive never seen such a sweet baby boy, with his coal black hair and big brown eyes. He reminds me so much of our oldest, Tanner. He fits into our family so perfect, he contains characteristics of everyone here. He is the promise we have heard from God for so long. We love him, we love him so crazy much that his "problems" are just that...problems. They are not who he is or a definition of what he will be. They are just mearly obstacles that desire a response from us. They are a situational test of faith.
Everyday we tell Liam that he is healthy and smart, loved and wanted. Everyday we watch him grow and continue to do new things. Our hope is that his "problems" will be treated in a way that will give testimony to Gods love and the love He wants us to have in our families.
"Why is my baby brother so sick," She said...
Because that way Jesus can heal him.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
The Call to STOP!
It was a huge surprise to realize how sick Liam really was. Since he was born he had sounded congested but we were told many times that it was related to him being a C-Section baby and because he never experience the big squeeze during vaginal labor, he was full of mucus. On average it would be gone in a week, but as time went on it only got worse. At 3 1/5 weeks we would be staying over a week in the ICU at Lutheran Hospital.
His diagnosis seem so bizarre and rare enough, even though the ICU may see cases like this often doesn't leave us much reassurance the outside world does. Sick babies come to this unit, certainly they are used to seeing such things but to us it was just unbelievable. Our baby boy was finally here and home with us and now he was covered in tubes and wires. I knew then that what God had been telling me for years would now come into effect weather I listened or not.
My whole life I have wanted to be a mom, and a good one. I wanted to teach my kids over the top about things that really matter, tell them the truth, and prepare them to be great at heart and in love with God. I had lots of ideas and daydreams about how I would raise them and be involved in their lives. I wanted to be a great mom and take my responsibility of raising my kids very seriously. It was to be the calling on my life.
You tend to loose sight of the simple things, the foundational things God calls us to do sometimes. We get wrapped up into every opportunity to serve somewhere else, probably more for self fulfillment then serventhood. In the background sits my husband and children waiting to be cared for, kids in front of the TV...eating junk food and being taught by someone else. My commitments to everyone else, the world, has stolen so much from me. Unfortunately enough, it has stolen from those that I love the most as well.
My call to stop was not suttle, I have been told that for years. Its been loud and firm...I just chose to not listen. I figured if I was doing good work then why not be involved. With Liam and what is revolving him at this time, God has commanded me to stop. I have no choice. With monitors and machines laying on every flat surface in our home and a continuous feeding pump that keeps me tight reigned close to Liam's side, I am forced to sit. I sit and think and watch and react....I stare at him and respond to every cry and alarm. I am his keeper. As I have been put back in my position here I have watched the results that I have created from choosing other things over my family previously.
My family has missed me, my family has needed me. Was it being a servant or being selfish that really kept me from my true responsibility? I think it was a bit of both, I wanted to help but also wanted to be somebody...when truly the somebody I was created to be was right here at home all along.
His diagnosis seem so bizarre and rare enough, even though the ICU may see cases like this often doesn't leave us much reassurance the outside world does. Sick babies come to this unit, certainly they are used to seeing such things but to us it was just unbelievable. Our baby boy was finally here and home with us and now he was covered in tubes and wires. I knew then that what God had been telling me for years would now come into effect weather I listened or not.
My whole life I have wanted to be a mom, and a good one. I wanted to teach my kids over the top about things that really matter, tell them the truth, and prepare them to be great at heart and in love with God. I had lots of ideas and daydreams about how I would raise them and be involved in their lives. I wanted to be a great mom and take my responsibility of raising my kids very seriously. It was to be the calling on my life.
You tend to loose sight of the simple things, the foundational things God calls us to do sometimes. We get wrapped up into every opportunity to serve somewhere else, probably more for self fulfillment then serventhood. In the background sits my husband and children waiting to be cared for, kids in front of the TV...eating junk food and being taught by someone else. My commitments to everyone else, the world, has stolen so much from me. Unfortunately enough, it has stolen from those that I love the most as well.
My call to stop was not suttle, I have been told that for years. Its been loud and firm...I just chose to not listen. I figured if I was doing good work then why not be involved. With Liam and what is revolving him at this time, God has commanded me to stop. I have no choice. With monitors and machines laying on every flat surface in our home and a continuous feeding pump that keeps me tight reigned close to Liam's side, I am forced to sit. I sit and think and watch and react....I stare at him and respond to every cry and alarm. I am his keeper. As I have been put back in my position here I have watched the results that I have created from choosing other things over my family previously.
My family has missed me, my family has needed me. Was it being a servant or being selfish that really kept me from my true responsibility? I think it was a bit of both, I wanted to help but also wanted to be somebody...when truly the somebody I was created to be was right here at home all along.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Meeting you...
I first heard of you back in late February early April...the news that you existed didn't really seem to pertain to me. I just knew that you were to be. I never suspected us to be connected, to be family.
A few weeks after I knew you were created I was texting "Elle" back and forth on the phone and she told me of your new life..that you were here and growing inside her. She was contemplating the idea that you may not have been created for her. At the same time as we were texting back and forth we both replied to each other the remark that maybe, just maybe you were meant to be for me... our texts came back to each other simultaneously. I received hers as she received mine...time stood still. The possibility of us being brought together lingered in my mind. Our responses seemed an act of divine timing..our thoughts were in line with each other, now we just needed to see what God had planned.
It was a joyous time in my life, but with reserve. I was pregnant again, and the thought of you being my baby also seemed like an outstanding plan...a bountiful blessing! Most women would be overwhelmed at the thought of two babies but I was enriched by the mere imagination of it. After losing 8 children to early pregnancy loss, I was ready to have my cup filling over.
Ilana would pray for her baby sibling in my belly...asking God to bless him/her. She called the baby her "brown" baby...to match her :) We never told her that the baby was not going to be brown, we just didn't know quite how yet. Our due date was 11-12-11, as we were so close to November 11th we claimed that day as our due date instead. We were expecting our baby girl on 11-11-11 and Elle was planned to deliver soon around that time also. How neat it would be to have such a miraculous story after so much heartache and have two sweet babies to love.
When our baby girl passed a few weeks later it was hard to think of you. I was afraid that if I spent time dwelling on the idea of you; my heart would be broken in the end. There was no guarantee that you could be mine. I put up a wall and tried to protect myself from falling in love with you. Months went by and you grew rapidly, Elle and I talked almost daily..every time we spoke she was more sure that you were created for a fulfillment of my prayers.
One day I received word from Elle that she was 100% sure..she knew God was saying "Yes" to me being your mommy! My guard started to fade, I found myself day dreaming about you..loving you in my thoughts and prayers. Elle told us early that you were going to be a "brown" baby.. The answer to Ilana's prayer as well...unbelievable.
Our 1st ultrasound showed us that you were a sweet baby boy and thriving well. We started to prepare for you and try to not focus on our past loss. Our future now contained you and how our lives would soon be intertwined. We awaiting you every day and asked God many times to tell us something special about you. Trying to name you was such hard work, as I looked everywhere for a name nothing seemed right. I continued to ask God "what is this baby boys name, what will he be like?" More then anything I wanted the Lord to define you.
One day I heard very specifically while praying that you will be a "strong willed defender of a group of Gods people." Wow! Did I hear right? Time passed by and I kept asking the Lord, "Are you sure? Did I hear correctly?" As I came across the name Liam, something sounded familiar to me. I kept the name close to me and thought of it time to time. On 2 separate occasions I had people ask me what I was going to name you. I told them I didn't know, and they replied by saying, "what about the name Liam?" Could this be the name God had planned for you? I looked it up to see what it meant. I was in shock when I saw the meaning, "strong willed defender!" Later I came across the name Crewe..it also sounded original and unique. The meaning was "a group of people." I continued to pray about this identity for you.
Elle grew closer to her due date, as time moved along so did I. Although you were to be born soon, I still ached over your sister who didn't make it into this life. I knew that 11-11 was going to be a bittersweet time. Each day inched along but faithfully kept going and so time moved forward in its usual quick-slow pattern.
On the 10th Elle called, I was embarrassingly sitting in my car..engine running for nearly 1/2 hr. I felt anxious about your arrival. I thought you would have been here by now. I was stilling there with no place to go in quiet silence. She wanted company so I left my spot in the driveway and quickly headed to her house. We passed the time with good conversation and hanging out. Unlikely enough my husband ended up in the area also and stopped in to see us before heading home. Little did we know the gathering together of us all was divine. Within the next hour we were heading to the hospital.
Labor was 4 min apart with hardly no dilation. Elle was terrified of something going wrong, her intense fear of needles was at the forefront. An ultrasound showed you to be a very big baby and by estimation they thought you were weighing 12 lbs 15 oz! A C-section was the solution. With Elle's comfort level fading, she humbly asked for us to pray. She asked the Lord to protect her while confessing her deep love for Him. As she reconnected her life to her protector, the staff was preparing for your delivery.
The scrubs allowed me to enter the surgery area and as i sat close to Elle's face, we talked words of truth and bravery. In the midst on conversation I heard a drowned out cry..a voice that has echoed in my prayers for years. I heard your voice for the first time. My heart shifted as I wanted to run to you. My position as a comforter was standing though, I stayed close to Elle as she fought off fear. I had a quick moment to peek at you, to cut your cord, and see your sweet face.
As I walked over to you my heart traveled faster then my feet. My spirit leaped to you, my child. My sweet boy..you were a sight beyond no other. God took my imagination of you and created a reality that I could of never made up on my own. You were far beyond any expectation, you were hand made and delivered for me.
Daddy waited back in the nursery for you and as they wheeled you by I heard the Dr say, "time of birth is 12:49 on 11-11-11"..God gave His gift to me while kissing me on both cheeks! He reclaimed, revived, and restored me all in one session..I have no words as I still sit in awe of Him as the mighty gift giver!
I came to see you and Daddy after Elle was situated in her room recovering. She had endured and found a strength in her she never had to use before, The Lord granted her what she requested and protected her thoroughly. After seeing Daddy was at loss for words. He spoke very little and seemed to be in shock..its the realization that we are so undeserving of such an act of love. We were just so thankful to be awarded such mercy and grace from God.
"Liam Crewe" was decided on as your name the next day, Daddy couldn't deny how it had been laid on his heart and the meaning was perfect for you! You were born at 10 lbs 10 oz, 23 inches long, on a reclaimed day. The event of your birth turned a memory of death into life for us. You are a success story for millions of women who long to have a child, a testament to how one simple day can change your life forever. You have created hope where there was none, by giving joy to a women who has lost 8 children, and by being a son to a weeping begging family. You are a voice that speaks how God hears every prayer and how He can always design a better ending then we could ever think up on our own. You, Liam, are a miracle!
We hope to celebrate with the world your birth and we pray that struggling families can see you as a reason to move forward in their own journeys....fighting hard for the things God has promised them.
Praise God for you! Praise God for you!
Love,
Mommy
A few weeks after I knew you were created I was texting "Elle" back and forth on the phone and she told me of your new life..that you were here and growing inside her. She was contemplating the idea that you may not have been created for her. At the same time as we were texting back and forth we both replied to each other the remark that maybe, just maybe you were meant to be for me... our texts came back to each other simultaneously. I received hers as she received mine...time stood still. The possibility of us being brought together lingered in my mind. Our responses seemed an act of divine timing..our thoughts were in line with each other, now we just needed to see what God had planned.
It was a joyous time in my life, but with reserve. I was pregnant again, and the thought of you being my baby also seemed like an outstanding plan...a bountiful blessing! Most women would be overwhelmed at the thought of two babies but I was enriched by the mere imagination of it. After losing 8 children to early pregnancy loss, I was ready to have my cup filling over.
Ilana would pray for her baby sibling in my belly...asking God to bless him/her. She called the baby her "brown" baby...to match her :) We never told her that the baby was not going to be brown, we just didn't know quite how yet. Our due date was 11-12-11, as we were so close to November 11th we claimed that day as our due date instead. We were expecting our baby girl on 11-11-11 and Elle was planned to deliver soon around that time also. How neat it would be to have such a miraculous story after so much heartache and have two sweet babies to love.
When our baby girl passed a few weeks later it was hard to think of you. I was afraid that if I spent time dwelling on the idea of you; my heart would be broken in the end. There was no guarantee that you could be mine. I put up a wall and tried to protect myself from falling in love with you. Months went by and you grew rapidly, Elle and I talked almost daily..every time we spoke she was more sure that you were created for a fulfillment of my prayers.
One day I received word from Elle that she was 100% sure..she knew God was saying "Yes" to me being your mommy! My guard started to fade, I found myself day dreaming about you..loving you in my thoughts and prayers. Elle told us early that you were going to be a "brown" baby.. The answer to Ilana's prayer as well...unbelievable.
Our 1st ultrasound showed us that you were a sweet baby boy and thriving well. We started to prepare for you and try to not focus on our past loss. Our future now contained you and how our lives would soon be intertwined. We awaiting you every day and asked God many times to tell us something special about you. Trying to name you was such hard work, as I looked everywhere for a name nothing seemed right. I continued to ask God "what is this baby boys name, what will he be like?" More then anything I wanted the Lord to define you.
One day I heard very specifically while praying that you will be a "strong willed defender of a group of Gods people." Wow! Did I hear right? Time passed by and I kept asking the Lord, "Are you sure? Did I hear correctly?" As I came across the name Liam, something sounded familiar to me. I kept the name close to me and thought of it time to time. On 2 separate occasions I had people ask me what I was going to name you. I told them I didn't know, and they replied by saying, "what about the name Liam?" Could this be the name God had planned for you? I looked it up to see what it meant. I was in shock when I saw the meaning, "strong willed defender!" Later I came across the name Crewe..it also sounded original and unique. The meaning was "a group of people." I continued to pray about this identity for you.
Elle grew closer to her due date, as time moved along so did I. Although you were to be born soon, I still ached over your sister who didn't make it into this life. I knew that 11-11 was going to be a bittersweet time. Each day inched along but faithfully kept going and so time moved forward in its usual quick-slow pattern.
On the 10th Elle called, I was embarrassingly sitting in my car..engine running for nearly 1/2 hr. I felt anxious about your arrival. I thought you would have been here by now. I was stilling there with no place to go in quiet silence. She wanted company so I left my spot in the driveway and quickly headed to her house. We passed the time with good conversation and hanging out. Unlikely enough my husband ended up in the area also and stopped in to see us before heading home. Little did we know the gathering together of us all was divine. Within the next hour we were heading to the hospital.
Labor was 4 min apart with hardly no dilation. Elle was terrified of something going wrong, her intense fear of needles was at the forefront. An ultrasound showed you to be a very big baby and by estimation they thought you were weighing 12 lbs 15 oz! A C-section was the solution. With Elle's comfort level fading, she humbly asked for us to pray. She asked the Lord to protect her while confessing her deep love for Him. As she reconnected her life to her protector, the staff was preparing for your delivery.
The scrubs allowed me to enter the surgery area and as i sat close to Elle's face, we talked words of truth and bravery. In the midst on conversation I heard a drowned out cry..a voice that has echoed in my prayers for years. I heard your voice for the first time. My heart shifted as I wanted to run to you. My position as a comforter was standing though, I stayed close to Elle as she fought off fear. I had a quick moment to peek at you, to cut your cord, and see your sweet face.
As I walked over to you my heart traveled faster then my feet. My spirit leaped to you, my child. My sweet boy..you were a sight beyond no other. God took my imagination of you and created a reality that I could of never made up on my own. You were far beyond any expectation, you were hand made and delivered for me.
Daddy waited back in the nursery for you and as they wheeled you by I heard the Dr say, "time of birth is 12:49 on 11-11-11"..God gave His gift to me while kissing me on both cheeks! He reclaimed, revived, and restored me all in one session..I have no words as I still sit in awe of Him as the mighty gift giver!
I came to see you and Daddy after Elle was situated in her room recovering. She had endured and found a strength in her she never had to use before, The Lord granted her what she requested and protected her thoroughly. After seeing Daddy was at loss for words. He spoke very little and seemed to be in shock..its the realization that we are so undeserving of such an act of love. We were just so thankful to be awarded such mercy and grace from God.
"Liam Crewe" was decided on as your name the next day, Daddy couldn't deny how it had been laid on his heart and the meaning was perfect for you! You were born at 10 lbs 10 oz, 23 inches long, on a reclaimed day. The event of your birth turned a memory of death into life for us. You are a success story for millions of women who long to have a child, a testament to how one simple day can change your life forever. You have created hope where there was none, by giving joy to a women who has lost 8 children, and by being a son to a weeping begging family. You are a voice that speaks how God hears every prayer and how He can always design a better ending then we could ever think up on our own. You, Liam, are a miracle!
We hope to celebrate with the world your birth and we pray that struggling families can see you as a reason to move forward in their own journeys....fighting hard for the things God has promised them.
Praise God for you! Praise God for you!
Love,
Mommy
Friday, November 4, 2011
Ilana's prayer
One major part of our newest blessing has yet to be shared on here. As I cant contain my favorite part of this story in any longer...today I will fill ya in :)
Back in Feb. of this year I was pregnant via IVF and very excited at the possibility that this pregnancy was going to be different, this baby was going to live. We prayed every day throughout the day for life and health, and for everything to be just right. Every night sweet Ilana would put her hand on mommy's tummy and pray, "Dear Lord, Please bless my brown brother or sister." Chad and I would just look at each other with blank stares wondering how we were going to explain to her that this baby was not going to be brown like her.
In early April our baby died and telling Ilana was enough to make me madder then ever. To feel hurt myself is one thing, but to imply it upon your child is so much harder. Telling her was the saddest little moment, how she looked at us like we were lying and asking us over and over if it was true. For days she would continue to pray over my belly the same prayer she had said before..."Dear Lord, Please bless my brown brother or sister!" We would just look at each other again with sadness and heartbreak for her. How would we get her to understand that it was just not possible?
Soon after when we were approached with the adoption of our soon to be baby, we began praying again. Asking for health and safety. "Elle", our birth mother, explained to me one day on the phone, after telling her Ilanas prayer, that she felt this whole thing was from God for a number of reasons. One very obvious one was that her baby was going to be BROWN. We were ecstatic to say the least! God answered the prayer of a little girl who wanted so badly for her sibling to be brown like her. We were so pleased to be reminded that God loves us and cares about every detail. He loves for his daughters to ask Him of things and He really likes to show His mercy to us when we believe there is no possible way.
We have 6 days till Ilana's brown brother arrives...
What a long road it has been and for him it was all worth it!
Love and prayers to you...Asking God on your behalf every single day!
Back in Feb. of this year I was pregnant via IVF and very excited at the possibility that this pregnancy was going to be different, this baby was going to live. We prayed every day throughout the day for life and health, and for everything to be just right. Every night sweet Ilana would put her hand on mommy's tummy and pray, "Dear Lord, Please bless my brown brother or sister." Chad and I would just look at each other with blank stares wondering how we were going to explain to her that this baby was not going to be brown like her.
In early April our baby died and telling Ilana was enough to make me madder then ever. To feel hurt myself is one thing, but to imply it upon your child is so much harder. Telling her was the saddest little moment, how she looked at us like we were lying and asking us over and over if it was true. For days she would continue to pray over my belly the same prayer she had said before..."Dear Lord, Please bless my brown brother or sister!" We would just look at each other again with sadness and heartbreak for her. How would we get her to understand that it was just not possible?
Soon after when we were approached with the adoption of our soon to be baby, we began praying again. Asking for health and safety. "Elle", our birth mother, explained to me one day on the phone, after telling her Ilanas prayer, that she felt this whole thing was from God for a number of reasons. One very obvious one was that her baby was going to be BROWN. We were ecstatic to say the least! God answered the prayer of a little girl who wanted so badly for her sibling to be brown like her. We were so pleased to be reminded that God loves us and cares about every detail. He loves for his daughters to ask Him of things and He really likes to show His mercy to us when we believe there is no possible way.
We have 6 days till Ilana's brown brother arrives...
What a long road it has been and for him it was all worth it!
Love and prayers to you...Asking God on your behalf every single day!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Small Moment...Big lesson
A few days ago I was frazzled at the seams and frigid to say the least. Keeping up with work and my list of things at home were taking up every thought in my brain, besides that I forced in our first grade homework..as I'm hoping I'm not the only homeschooling mom that has rushed days. I was tense and aggravated at every episode that came my way. The farm was being "too needy" with new puppies and chores, the phone was beckoning me at every moment, and the stressful wait of our adopted sons arrival was hanging in the air. His anticipated arrival has by far had me responding radically to every situation. Every appointment/plan hinges on his grand entrance. I am sitting on the edge of my seat in waiting mode.
All while my home circus was in full bloom & my mental state was racing rapidly, Ilana danced and swirled around the house as if it was her play yard...she sang, and twirled, laughed, and played. She turned on music and swooped around the house on her roller skates in and out of each room with a huge smile on her face. I was too busy to notice at first. She put 100% in trying to turn in a fast circle while skating around and weaving in and out of her favorite puppy as he tried tirelessly to keep up with her. She ran up the stairs and slid back down them, raced back up again and played hard. She had a animated play with her dollies and stopped for a breather to watch Strawberry Shortcake...then she was off again. I hushed her during phone calls and silenced her when she asked questions as I was on the computer or in the middle of something that seemed important.
During lunch time I placed her at the table with her microwaved meal and huge glass of her favorite, strawberry milk. She was big eyed and full of joy as I laid it upon the table. Just as I was turning away to grab something else, my hand caught the edge of her glass and in slow motion we watched as the cup tipped towards her. It crashed without remorse and with a huge intake of air Ilana and I both gasped aloud. I stopped and just looked at her, sitting so pretty in her favorite red dress and matching shoes. She looked like a princess with a shocked expression on her dear face. I didn't know what to say, I expected her to be angry and before I could tell her I was sorry she let out to my surprise the biggest laugh. She belly laughed with all her might..its crazy how addictive a laugh can be. In the midst of milk and pink strawberry flavoring we hugged and laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes.
We cleaned it up together and I shut down the world for the rest of the day to hang out with her.
That night as I tucked her into bed Ilana says, "remember when you were mad today when things were going bad but when my milk spilled we laughed?" In adult terms I took that as..."remember when you were grouchy when you didn't get your way but when I didn't get mine I still found something to be happy about" It was a big reminder for me...She is a big reminder to me! Things dont have to be tense, I dont have to let my day make me miserable, and rushing around gets me no where fast!
Hoping that I can remember this little lesson as the days get closer to baby time, and work gets more involved with Faith N Fertility. Praying for peace...and wisdom.
All while my home circus was in full bloom & my mental state was racing rapidly, Ilana danced and swirled around the house as if it was her play yard...she sang, and twirled, laughed, and played. She turned on music and swooped around the house on her roller skates in and out of each room with a huge smile on her face. I was too busy to notice at first. She put 100% in trying to turn in a fast circle while skating around and weaving in and out of her favorite puppy as he tried tirelessly to keep up with her. She ran up the stairs and slid back down them, raced back up again and played hard. She had a animated play with her dollies and stopped for a breather to watch Strawberry Shortcake...then she was off again. I hushed her during phone calls and silenced her when she asked questions as I was on the computer or in the middle of something that seemed important.
During lunch time I placed her at the table with her microwaved meal and huge glass of her favorite, strawberry milk. She was big eyed and full of joy as I laid it upon the table. Just as I was turning away to grab something else, my hand caught the edge of her glass and in slow motion we watched as the cup tipped towards her. It crashed without remorse and with a huge intake of air Ilana and I both gasped aloud. I stopped and just looked at her, sitting so pretty in her favorite red dress and matching shoes. She looked like a princess with a shocked expression on her dear face. I didn't know what to say, I expected her to be angry and before I could tell her I was sorry she let out to my surprise the biggest laugh. She belly laughed with all her might..its crazy how addictive a laugh can be. In the midst of milk and pink strawberry flavoring we hugged and laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes.
We cleaned it up together and I shut down the world for the rest of the day to hang out with her.
That night as I tucked her into bed Ilana says, "remember when you were mad today when things were going bad but when my milk spilled we laughed?" In adult terms I took that as..."remember when you were grouchy when you didn't get your way but when I didn't get mine I still found something to be happy about" It was a big reminder for me...She is a big reminder to me! Things dont have to be tense, I dont have to let my day make me miserable, and rushing around gets me no where fast!
Hoping that I can remember this little lesson as the days get closer to baby time, and work gets more involved with Faith N Fertility. Praying for peace...and wisdom.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Any day now...
The countdown is officially at 23 days in waiting. Baby boy still has no name but his room is ready. Diapers are on the shelf, clothes in the drawers, and momma bear is waiting patiently with baby powder in the rocking chair. Im beside myself that its soo close to coming into a reality.
Switching our old nursery into the new nursery was time consuming and a bit hard. I didnt do anything dramatic or spend lots of money. In fact its super plain and simple. It was the difficult task of taking out my old things...doctors reports, gifts given to us from our previous miscarriage, hospital bags reminding us of our overnight stays. Getting rid of the reminders that cause me to fear and worry...reminding me with a time that was so painful. I left a few ultrasound pics on baby boys dresser of his past siblings...still very proud of my heaven babies :)
Its just the right balance now and feels like its his room. I fiddle in there every day wondering what he going to look like and sound like...
Any day now the phone will ring and she will be in labor. Any day now he will open his eyes for the first time and I will adore him. My life will come to a halt when he arrives, just for some moments of reflection. Im sure he will bring joy with him and also a rememberance of what we have lost. Im sure he will have my heart...he already does.
A new chapter is starting...oooh how Ive waited for this. Thank you Lord for this time of relief and provision. Ilana is waiting on the edge of her seat, with sparkling eyes she talks of her new life with her little brother :) Last week she dressed up for the local trunk or treat..as a monarch butterfly. She fluttered around, dancing the whole day long. She put on her costume at daybreak and wore it to bed that night...she was a true princess in every aspet. I soppose life will feel like that for a time...full of excitement and joy, a great dance of sweetness that starts in the morning and puts you to sleep at night.
Any day now...
Switching our old nursery into the new nursery was time consuming and a bit hard. I didnt do anything dramatic or spend lots of money. In fact its super plain and simple. It was the difficult task of taking out my old things...doctors reports, gifts given to us from our previous miscarriage, hospital bags reminding us of our overnight stays. Getting rid of the reminders that cause me to fear and worry...reminding me with a time that was so painful. I left a few ultrasound pics on baby boys dresser of his past siblings...still very proud of my heaven babies :)
Its just the right balance now and feels like its his room. I fiddle in there every day wondering what he going to look like and sound like...
Any day now the phone will ring and she will be in labor. Any day now he will open his eyes for the first time and I will adore him. My life will come to a halt when he arrives, just for some moments of reflection. Im sure he will bring joy with him and also a rememberance of what we have lost. Im sure he will have my heart...he already does.
A new chapter is starting...oooh how Ive waited for this. Thank you Lord for this time of relief and provision. Ilana is waiting on the edge of her seat, with sparkling eyes she talks of her new life with her little brother :) Last week she dressed up for the local trunk or treat..as a monarch butterfly. She fluttered around, dancing the whole day long. She put on her costume at daybreak and wore it to bed that night...she was a true princess in every aspet. I soppose life will feel like that for a time...full of excitement and joy, a great dance of sweetness that starts in the morning and puts you to sleep at night.
Any day now...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Everybodies got their babies!
This last two weeks have been a range of emotions including rejoicing with friends and a deep analysis of what time of year it is.
3 very good friends had their babies these last few weeks..leaving me with a awe of God for the miracles He allows and also a reverence that I still need Him very much.
Friend #1 has had several miscarriages including a precious pregnancy loss of twin babies. Our emotional connection has always been strong due to heartache and hope that God overrides all that is hard in this life. She felt very strongly that she would never carry her own children and so her family sought out adoption avenues. Through prayer and grace, she now has 3 beautiful children that are born from her heart! Unlike God, (being sarcastic) He blessed her recently with a "shock" pregnancy that bore her a sweet daughter Kendall this month.
Friend #2 Although she hasn't struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss she has a sweet spirit about connecting with me on the issue. She is careful and loving...gives it much attention to talk and listen about the things I have gone through. 9 days ago she delivered Mihani...a precious baby girl and little sister to lovely Kareese. Their family is full of the most beautiful girls!
Friend #3 is coming home from the hospital today. Our visit in the hospital revealed such love for her new bundle. Gracie came due to the obedience of my friend to allow God to gift them. She is tiny and fragile, new and exciting! She is sooo pretty and my friends eyes sparkle as she gazes on the grace of God that is sleeping snug to her chest.
How can I not rejoice?? Most incredible events and soo close to home :)
3 new girls...3 new lives...
I would be lying if I said I didn't think of my daughter as well especially since she would have been due in a few weeks as well. People would visit us marveling what God had done for us, commenting on her beauty. I wonder if she would've looked like me, or her father..maybe a perfect combination of the both of us. I just wonder... Its not painful today just a thought or daydream of what things could have looked like.
In the meantime I cant focus there too long. Our new son will be born in just a few short weeks. O how I cant wait to study every little wrinkle and movement he makes. He has me more anxious about his arrival everyday. I wait for him with such intensity that must compare to our babies waiting for our arrivals to heaven someday.
Someday! That's the focus today! Some Day! we will all be together again! I read the book Heaven is for Real recently. It touched my heart for I know that a great reunion is coming closer every day!
Here is our current ultrasound, "Elle" is so close to having him. He is weighing approx 5.5 lbs and growing :) ...love him, love him, love him!
Prayer requests:
*Adoption paperwork will be smooth and quick
*Logan to be surprised by God :)
*Healing for Mihani..she has been running a fever
*Faith N Fertility and the families they are helping
*For you...to know, believe, trust, and love God more today then you did yesterday!
3 very good friends had their babies these last few weeks..leaving me with a awe of God for the miracles He allows and also a reverence that I still need Him very much.
Friend #1 has had several miscarriages including a precious pregnancy loss of twin babies. Our emotional connection has always been strong due to heartache and hope that God overrides all that is hard in this life. She felt very strongly that she would never carry her own children and so her family sought out adoption avenues. Through prayer and grace, she now has 3 beautiful children that are born from her heart! Unlike God, (being sarcastic) He blessed her recently with a "shock" pregnancy that bore her a sweet daughter Kendall this month.
Friend #2 Although she hasn't struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss she has a sweet spirit about connecting with me on the issue. She is careful and loving...gives it much attention to talk and listen about the things I have gone through. 9 days ago she delivered Mihani...a precious baby girl and little sister to lovely Kareese. Their family is full of the most beautiful girls!
Friend #3 is coming home from the hospital today. Our visit in the hospital revealed such love for her new bundle. Gracie came due to the obedience of my friend to allow God to gift them. She is tiny and fragile, new and exciting! She is sooo pretty and my friends eyes sparkle as she gazes on the grace of God that is sleeping snug to her chest.
How can I not rejoice?? Most incredible events and soo close to home :)
3 new girls...3 new lives...
I would be lying if I said I didn't think of my daughter as well especially since she would have been due in a few weeks as well. People would visit us marveling what God had done for us, commenting on her beauty. I wonder if she would've looked like me, or her father..maybe a perfect combination of the both of us. I just wonder... Its not painful today just a thought or daydream of what things could have looked like.
In the meantime I cant focus there too long. Our new son will be born in just a few short weeks. O how I cant wait to study every little wrinkle and movement he makes. He has me more anxious about his arrival everyday. I wait for him with such intensity that must compare to our babies waiting for our arrivals to heaven someday.
Someday! That's the focus today! Some Day! we will all be together again! I read the book Heaven is for Real recently. It touched my heart for I know that a great reunion is coming closer every day!
Here is our current ultrasound, "Elle" is so close to having him. He is weighing approx 5.5 lbs and growing :) ...love him, love him, love him!
Prayer requests:
*Adoption paperwork will be smooth and quick
*Logan to be surprised by God :)
*Healing for Mihani..she has been running a fever
*Faith N Fertility and the families they are helping
*For you...to know, believe, trust, and love God more today then you did yesterday!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
10 Weeks to go
Spent some time with Elle yesterday; Its was good to see her and chat for awhile. Her reassurance that this baby is ours is priceless. She may never know what she is doing for us..how divine it is and what it took to get us here.
I am grateful today for my infertility and should I dare to say...our miscarriages.
It takes a mouthful of deep breaths to say that aloud; a core response; a hard thought. Its not easy to say. I do mean it though.
I look at FNF and the women who surround me; the women that I surround; and see it all working together for the good of ....the good of God :)
He is good, that's what I am remembering today. If only I could keep this truth engulfing me so that I wouldn't forget and start looking inward again. Its so effortless to slip back into falseness. This time I'll try to keep truth around a bit longer...and remember it a bit faster when I'm feeling down.
10 weeks left to go...give or take. 10 weeks and we will see his face...the face of promises and dreams that have been moving stories in my heart for years upon years. I await you little one.
I am grateful today for my infertility and should I dare to say...our miscarriages.
It takes a mouthful of deep breaths to say that aloud; a core response; a hard thought. Its not easy to say. I do mean it though.
I look at FNF and the women who surround me; the women that I surround; and see it all working together for the good of ....the good of God :)
He is good, that's what I am remembering today. If only I could keep this truth engulfing me so that I wouldn't forget and start looking inward again. Its so effortless to slip back into falseness. This time I'll try to keep truth around a bit longer...and remember it a bit faster when I'm feeling down.
10 weeks left to go...give or take. 10 weeks and we will see his face...the face of promises and dreams that have been moving stories in my heart for years upon years. I await you little one.
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